


Sucker for Pain

by hvcutie



Series: Sucker for Pain [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abusive Behavior, Domestic Violence, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hvcutie/pseuds/hvcutie
Summary: Hansol can't believe he's still in love with Joshua.





	

Hansol knew this was a bad time to do this, it was three am and he and Joshua had just gotten home from a night out with their friends, both of them had been drinking quite a bit. But Hansol had these emotions running through him and he needed to yell. He was shaking and Joshua put a hand on his shoulder, a little heavier than it should be due to his intoxicated state, “Hansol, why are you shaking, babe?”

“Don’t touch me! I can’t do this anymore, Josh! Can’t you see what you’re doing to me! I tried to understand, I really did, but this is killing me! You’re killing me!” Hansol yelled as he curled in on himself slightly against a wall. Joshua just walked closer knowing exactly what his lover was talking about, “Hansol, please, I’m sorry. I’m trying, you know I’m trying. It’s difficult for me, I wasn’t raised the same as you.” He put his hand on Hansol’s shoulder but the younger shoved it away.

“I said don’t touch me! I’ve been patient, it’s been two years, but nothing’s changed! I love you, Joshua! I don’t want to be your fucking secret anymore! We live together for God’s sake! I know it’s hard to come out of the closet; I was terrified when I came out, but I did it! I was willing to risk my family for you, Josh! But I told them and I got so worked up I got sick! Every second I spend with you I feel like you aren’t willing to risk anything for me! Do you even love me, Josh?”

Joshua could feel the anger running through him now, “You know I love you, Hansol!” He yelled as he punched the wall, breaking it. Hansol flinched, Joshua had never gotten violent. “Don’t for a fucking second think that I don’t love you! That’s not the problem!” Hansol stood up straight and got in Joshua’s face, “Then what is the problem, Joshua? Tell me the fucking problem!” Joshua clenched his fists, “Your gender! You’re a guy, Hansol! I’m in love with a guy! It’s not right! My parents will never accept me! They’ll disown me!”

Hansol had tears running down his face when he pushes Joshua away with all his strength causing him to take a few steps back, “So the problem is because I’m a faggot! Is that it? Is that disgusting, Josh? You don’t seem to think I’m disgusting when you’re fucking me nearly every night! News flash, Josh, you’re just as much as a fag as me!” Joshua stood up from falling into a chair when Hansol pushed him. He was fuming at this point and trying to control himself. He opened his mouth to speak but Hansol cut him off.

“And don’t you dare say you love me and then say that the problem is that you’re fucking a boy! If you’re disgusted with me don’t you dare say you love me, faggot!” Hansol knew he was angering Joshua every time he used that word towards him, but he wanted the bastard to be angry. Although this proved to be a bad choice as Joshua slapped him, hard, right across him face. It was loud and the sound was like Hansol’s heart finally shattering into pieces. He was speechless.

“Don’t call me a faggot. Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not you I’m disgusted with, but myself? Of course you haven’t, because everything has to be about you. I’ve been waiting for you to leave but you haven’t. Maybe I should be disgusted with you, because you’re so pathetic. I do love you, Hansol, but you deserve better than someone who will never come out to his parents. Don’t you see that you idiot! Maybe now you’ll finally fucking leave!”

Hansol was sobbing and holding his cheek, but he got up from the ground he had fallen to in shock. He looked Joshua dead in the eye and spit in his fucking face, “So it’s going to be like this. You’re a coward.” Hansol said this as he threw himself at Joshua and started hitting him. They fell to the floor, but Joshua was soon able to grab Hansol’s wrists, “I’m not a coward!” Hansol laughed, “You’re a coward and a faggot. You’re also disgusting.” Joshua punches Hansol in the jaw. Hansol wouldn’t stop though and he mockingly sang, “Coward, coward, Joshua’s a coward!” Joshua yelled, “Shut up! Shut up!” But Hansol wouldn’t shut up, even has he cried and held back cries of pain.

Joshua moved his hand to Hansol’s throat. “I said shut up, Hansol! Can’t you just listen to me this once? I’m fucking sorry. I love you.” Hansol decides to stay quite but looks Joshua in the eyes, sobbing and slowly chocking. Joshua finally pulls his hand away and stands up. “I have to leave, now.” He quickly throws on his jacket and shoes before running out the door. Leaving Hansol on the floor sobbing and gasping for air.

It was at least a full hour until he could sit up, another ten minutes until he could pull himself up the wall. He looked at the hole Joshua had left as he leaned against the wall. He pushed off and walked towards the bathroom. He wasn’t sober when he got home, but he was now. He looked in the mirror and saw bruises, they were all pretty bad but the worst were around his neck. He gripped his hair and pulled as he let out a frustrated scream. He couldn’t believe what just happened. Not only did he see a side of Joshua he never wanted to see, but also a side of himself that he didn’t know existed until just now.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket. It said it was 5:56 am and he saw that he had two texts from Joshua.

**Josh** **[4:27]**

_I’m so sorry_

**Josh** **[4:51]**

_I love you_

Hansol gripped his home tightly, he didn’t know if he could believe either of those things. All Hansol knew was that he was disgusted with himself for still loves Joshua with all his heart. He feels sick as he runs his fingers over the bruises; they’re so dark and distinctive around his neck. Not to mention he can see dry blood near his lip where it must have busted open. Hansol started to sob again as he feel to his knee. He vomited as he thought about how much he still loved Joshua.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm probably going to write a sequel to this. Let me know if you'd be interested in that.


End file.
